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How to stay positive: When you’re single.

Some tips for the singles, to help you keep a positive mindset during lockdown!

First and foremost, I would just like to emphasise that being single is nothing to be down about! It takes courage to put yourself first and not settle for anything less than you deserve.

During this period of self isolation, I have seen lots of things about couples in lockdown, with social distanced dates and romantic nights in, and it got me thinking. No one is really talking about how the single people are feeling in this pandemic!

No matter how independent you are, everyone gets lonely sometimes, and with all this extra time on our hands, our minds might start to think about things they don’t usually, like our single status. So here are some tips to help you keep a positive mindset during lockdown.

Limit your access to romantic content

I think it’s safe to say we are all consuming content more than ever right now, and romance is everywhere, Netflix, movies, books, music, social media, there’s a lot. A constant feed of romantic content can leave you feeling left out, disheartened, or you may even find yourself falling madly in love with a fictional character (ahem, Connell from Normal People).

So to avoid, in my case, unhealthy obsessions with fictional characters, or more importantly, feelings of resentment towards your single status, I recommend limiting how much romantic content your consuming. You can do this by muting accounts on social media who are a little too much #couplegoals right now, swapping your rom-com for an interesting documentary, your romance novel for a thriller, or have a digital detox and clear your mind.

And remember, the majority of characters in films and books are fictional, so try not to compare yourself to them. You can still enjoy all the things you usually do, just be mindful of how it’s impacting your thoughts!

Consider your use of dating apps

Whether you use dating apps or not, it’s one of the only ways to date in lockdown. Now, I know from talking to friends and from my own experience, the temptation to download these apps has definitely increased recently. But before you do, consider how this is going to affect your mindset!

If you don’t really like dating apps, you’re quite content single, but boredom, and maybe lack of attention are tempting you to download them, seriously consider whether it’s worth your time! Are you just seeking some validation? If you don’t get matches will that disappoint you? If you are already feeling low, rejection is only going to increase that. Also if you’re not serious and you are just bored, you are not only wasting your time by talking to someone, but you’re also wasting their time and potentially hurting them if they are genuinely looking for a connection! If this is you, staying away from dating apps is going to keep your mood much more positive.

On the other hand, if this time has made you realise, actually it might be nice to start dating again, online dating is a great way to get back in the game, with less pressure as physical dates aren’t an option! If this is you, then to have the best outcome, really look into which dating service matches what you’re looking for. If you are looking for a meaningful relationship on Tinder, you are in the wrong place (sorry, I know it’s fun to swipe, but it’s true), do your research, find what suits you, and go into it with an open mind!

Whichever situation you find yourself in, really consider how it will effect your mood before you get swiping again.

Reach out to friends

If you’re feeling lonely, there is nothing better than talking to friends. In normal life, we would go for coffee (or even better cocktails), talk about our problems, have a giggle, and leave feeling lifted and more positive. Now video call is our new best friend, as it’s the closest we can get to hanging out with our loved ones right now. Talking to your friends will distract you from your thoughts, stop you from your endless social media scroll and remind you, you’re not alone.

If you don’t have any virtual hang outs planned, rather than waiting for someone to reach out, arrange one yourself! Your friends are busy doing their own thing, and they may forget to check in with you, and if you haven’t told them, they won’t know you’re feeling down or lonely. So give them a ring, have a catch up, get a different opinion on your thoughts, and you’ll find you feel so much better!

Work on your relationship with yourself

Sometimes, when we are feeling lonely, it can bring out negative thoughts about ourselves. If you find that you’ve been criticising yourself, wishing you could change things, then take this time to work on you! If you lack confidence, if you are unhappy with your appearance, or you feel like you aren’t very good at something, do something about it! Read a self development book, find clothes that make you feel confident and comfortable, go for a run (or accept that you really don’t like running) and practice that thing you’re not good at.

Find little ways, that will help you tackle your self criticisms and develop a better relationship with yourself. Once you start to do things for yourself, and learn to accept and love yourself, you’ll find you will be much happier. And people who are happy with themselves shine, and you never know who might notice your new glow!

So there are just a few ways, that you can stay positive if you are single in self isolation. Whilst being in love is a great feeling, being single is something to celebrate too! You can do what you want to do, eat what you like, see who you want to see, starfish across the whole bed, and you can obsess over Connell from Normal People without upsetting anyone! (I really need to stop.)

Hopefully you have found this helpful, if there are any other ways you have found of staying positive, please share them down below!

Stay safe & stay positive,

B x

3 replies on “How to stay positive: When you’re single.”

Hi great post. I keep thinking what this would all be like if my husband and I were still together because one of the reasons we split was lack of quality time together. I then do a reality check and realise that we’d probably be bickering over housework, the constant need to watch TV (him) and the constant need for conversation (me). He would also be nagging my daughter to study constantly and shouting at dog. Quite frankly I’m finally happy to be single because I bet most people’s reality isn’t the lovey dovey image we imagine. In fact I would say that my single friends are the happiest at the moment.

I have my daughter but she’s 15 and lives in her room talking to her friends on facetime (or whatever they use). Sometimes I do get lonely but I always have a to do list ready for times like these. I pick something off it and just get stuck in.

Stay safe x

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Thanks so much for sharing Julie! I have similar thoughts about my ex boyfriend! At least in quarantine we only have to keep ourselves happy, and doing those little jobs really helps to distract the mind! Keep positive – B x

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